The Anatomy of a Hard Conversation
CatalogDifficult ConversationsThe Anatomy of a Hard ConversationWhen the Other Person Gets Defensive
When the Other Person Gets Defensive
What you'll learn
- →Expect defensiveness — it's the body's protective response, not a character flaw.
- →Learn what NOT to do: push harder, raise your voice, repeat your point louder, walk away in anger.
- →Practice the three moves that defuse defensiveness: slow down, validate the feeling, find the small thing you can agree with.
Proof task
Don't just watch. Do.
Write down the most defensive thing the other person might say in your conversation. Now write what you would say back if your only goal was to lower the temperature, not to win. Those two sentences are your contingency plan.
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Chapters
Jump to a moment.
- 0:00The hook
- 1:15The pattern
- 2:45The interrupt
- 4:30Practice scenario
- 5:30The proof task
Up next in The Anatomy of a Hard Conversation
Keep going.
Reflect
“When you get defensive, what are you actually protecting? Is it still worth the cost of protecting it?”